Marrying foreign husbands

Nguyen Thi Hong who has stayed in Sweden for ten years as a guest worker says she enjoys a happy life with her husband and only daughter.

She happened to meet a Swedish man with moral ideals there and decided to marry and live with him two years after her work contract was finished.

“I am very lucky to have a husband like Robert, who is ready to share my housework,” she confides.

It seems much easier to be a daughter-in-law in Sweden than in Vietnam, Hong says, explaining her mother-in-law never interferes in her household affairs.

Only sometimes does she really feel homesick as she cannot see her parents, either in Sweden or in Vietnam regularly through exchange visits.

Hang Nga, a former student in Berlin, says her German husband looks like one in her childhood dream, both handsome and smart. “Before getting married, we were classmates at a skill training course. We understand and know how to forgive each other, even after having a blazing row. Patience is the best policy to help change our behaviour and attitudes.

In fact, not a few Vietnamese women find themselves unable to adapt to the cultural and linguistic barriers after marrying foreigners.

Thuy Anh says she has broken with her Korean husband after only two years of marriage. The reason is she was introduced to him by her cousin and didn’t know then there would be love lost between husband and wife on account of misunderstanding.

She is waiting for a legal divorce to take effect soon.

The love affair between Nguyen Thi Lan and her Norwegian husband is also short-lived. Lan has just left her husband after discovering his infidelity, and decided to bring her only child up on her own.

“He never helps me with housework and is too mean to spend on our daily living. I have to use my monthly unemployment allowance to the last penny,” she says, tears brimming in her eyes.

“Even worse, I feel so lonely and lost in the country of residence. I have no chance to return to Vietnam since our marriage. I really wish to run away from home as soon as possible,” she says.

The broad appeal of this modern trend should not distract from the utility of pre-marriage education and counseling. It could help Vietnamese women deepen their understanding of what could be in store for them when living with their foreign husbands.

Training courses like these are currently available. There are also emergency hotlines for Vietnamese wives to call for advice when they are abused by their foreign husbands.