Tying the Buddhist knot

Fifteen years ago I attended a solemn wedding ceremony at Tran Quoc pagoda by Hanoi’s West Lake. The couple were Americans who worked for a non-governmental organization and a foreign invested company in Hanoi. They had become Buddhist followers two years before.

It was a very strange event as locals usually hire a conference room to hold a crowded wedding with hundreds of guests who come to eat and talk noisily. Their pagoda wedding was quite the opposite-there was a tranquil and solemn ambiance, with incense smoke, meditating and the ringing of bronze bells.

The big day

Recently, I attended another wedding ceremony at Hung Phuc pagoda in the outskirts of Hanoi. The ceremony is called Hang Thuan and it focuses on living in harmony forever in Buddhist style. “Hang” means eternity, while “Thuan” means unity.

If a married couple wants an eternal unity, they should learn how to respect one another. This is the real meaning of a wedding ring passed down by ancestors. If Buddhist devotees want a peaceful environment to marry, there is no place better than a pagoda, with the love and warmth of fellow believers.

“We guide our children to go to the pagoda so that they can learn how to become a good person with good behaviours and lifestyles,” said Nguyen Thi Mai, mother of the bride.

When her daughter and son were six years old, Mai took them to the local pagoda to hold a special ceremony to become official Buddha devotees. Following this, Buddha devotees are able to attend all rituals ceremonies, events, activities and festivals of the pagoda, and also be blessed by Buddha as well as be married by the master monks.

At the wedding of Dieu Thuy Hang and Phuc An Khanh, the couple’s families and friends are gathered to witness their union ceremony. They have been given blessings by the Three Precious Ones-Buddha, Dhama and Sangha.

The couple is encouraged to listen to the marriage messages drawn from the prayer book named Thien Sanh, which was written and preached by the Buddha. These messages are delivered by the master monks.

When the bride and groom exchange rings, that moment represents the love and respect that one has towards the other.

After the ritual ceremony, the attendants and monks will join a simple vegetarian party to share a meal with the couple and their families. Even though this wedding ritual is arranged rather simply in the Buddhist pagoda, it gives a significant message to the couple about how to build good family values by showing love and tranquillity and by practicing Buddhist beliefs.

While holding hands, the couple say their vows out loud before the Three Precious Ones and promise under oath to build a strong family life by adopting the five basic moral principles of Buddhism.

“It’s really a dream,” says Dang Thi Lan, mother of the groom. “I have prayed for a long time that my son can get married under the Buddhist rituals of a Hang Thuan ceremony. Thank Buddha-my dream has come true.”

Over the past five years, hundreds of marriage ceremonies have been organized at pagodas around the country and the number of Buddhist couples is increasing day by day. There are also many famous celebrities choosing a pagoda to organize their simple, solemn marriage ceremony.

“Currently the divorce rate is alarming in Vietnam, especially between young married couples. The Hang Thuan ceremony aims at orienting the youth towards good human and traditional values as well as to respect the happiness of their own family. We hope that Buddha rituals can help them face the obstacles in their life together,” says Master Monk Thich Thanh Phuong.

“I believe that a wedding ceremony performed in the pagoda will help to build the couple’s spiritual life and their future married life,” says Tran Van Hung, a relative of the bride. He also says that he is planning a pagoda wedding for his younger son this December.

Recent history

This type of wedding ceremony only began to emerge in the early 20^th century. It was developed further by Do Nam Tu. He was raised with Confucian principles, but later converted to Buddhism and became a strong supporter of the Buddhist renaissance.

Do Nam Tu strongly believes that Buddhist beliefs should be spread and practiced by everyone. In 1930, he organized the first Buddhist style wedding ceremony at the Tu Dam pagoda in Hue, between Le Thi Hoanh and Hoang Van Tam.

Le Thi Hoanh was the eldest daughter of philosopher Le Dinh Tham, one of the greatest pioneers in the renaissance movement of Buddhism. Le Dinh Tham also was the founder of Duc Duc, a Buddhist youth group and also the Phat Hoa Pho Organization (founded 1940), and the Family Organization of Buddha Reincarnation (founded 1951). Following this, in 1971 monk Thich Thien Hoa established the Hang Thuan marriage ceremony as it is known today.

“A family is a cell in society and a healthy body requires good cells in order to function properly. With love, a sense of responsibility, having the same purpose throughout their lives, and with a strong foundation of Buddhist ethics, the couple will build a home filled with happiness,” says Thich Thanh Phuong.